The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
