all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
this just has baby written all over it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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