i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
