She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
