btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
