Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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