can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My penis needs a shock collar
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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