That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
