Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
