I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
