maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
