You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
