Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize