so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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