Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
