Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Enjoy the penises
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
