one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
