Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
