Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
