you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize