When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
