and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
