ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
