i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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