She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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