Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
