Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
