so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
