If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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