mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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