he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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