He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
that's an acceptable place to lick
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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