We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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