So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
