you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
