Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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