I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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