I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
