I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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