If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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