i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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