This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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