weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
