I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
sarcasm needs its own font
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
