Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
