Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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