I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
