Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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