Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This baby is an asshole
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
