Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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