Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
