Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
