just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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