i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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