you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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