I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
