I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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