Someone shit on the floor
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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