sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
