I could have mohawked her pubes.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize