Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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