happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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