My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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