You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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