What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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