Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
