i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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