Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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