cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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