I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
