Sry I called you an 8
I want to stick my p in your. b.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
