I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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