allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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