I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
