He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
They took my balls.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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