I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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