i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
